My last post

ME

I started this blog a bit over a year ago, not knowing what would come out of it or exactly what my intention was. I did know that I had a big need to become visible. To share parts of myself that were well hidden and to allow myself to be vulnerable when bringing these things into the light. I feel like this has been a space where I have been able to do that and that makes me feel really happy and grateful.

Thank you so much for reading what I have shared here and for receiving me in my vulnerability. I hope I have been able to plant a few seeds in you as well, maybe even inspired someone to dare to show up in vulnerability too.

With that said, with a lot of excitement and curiosity about what is to come, I close this chapter and get ready to start a new one.

Much love!!, Leela

Gratitude

Writing

Something beautiful and terrifying is happening. I am starting to move into my body. To feel it.

It humbles me. I feel so deeply that I am part of nature.

My body moves in cycles, with the moon, with the seasons, with the coming and going of night and day. It moves me. It feels like an art to allow it, to start flowing in harmony with it.

I am just dipping my toe in the water. I have learned to be patient and allow. Not to rush and force my own unfolding.

But there is a burning desire deep in my belly to come home. To surrender and become one with the grass and the wind and the oceans. To dissolve and be no more.

Just a dance, a laugh, an embrace. Limitless and free.

Patiently waiting for surrender

POETRY

A hopeless exhaustion of…
…of making the same mistakes again and again and again

This is not something I can power through
This is something I need to surrender to

How am I supposed to “do” surrender?
I can’t.

I need to have the willingness to understand
the wisdom of not repeating the same mistakes
and the patience to put myself back together everytime I’m neither willing nor wise

A Gentle Let-Go

POETRY

My heart is aching again
An empty hole sucking in every bit of light and joy

Grieving my past as I slowly open up
Layer after layer

Feeling it all through
Looking again and again, letting it all wash away

Fear of the unknown, even if the unknown is JOY

Pacing myself. There is no rush

Again and again coming back to the now and remembering that it is in my hands now
I can allow anything and be as gentle and loving as I can and want.

A mothering tree

POETRY

A girl is sitting under a tree and asking for a mother
“I do not have any arms to hold you” she says
“That’s okay” says the girl “my mother also doesn’t hold me”
“Okay” says the tree “but I don’t have any ears to listen”
“My mother also doesn’t listen to me” says the girl
“Okay” says the tree “I can’t see you I don’t have any eyes”
“It’s okay” says the girl “my mother has eyes byt she still doesn’t see me”

The tree stands still, unwavering
The girl lies down in her own embrace and lets the tree hold her
Not saying anything, not looking, not listening, but still a mother
Still place to come home to, a place to feel safe, welcome, embraced
A little girl was lying under a tree and in the tree’s embrace she rocked herself to sleep