Please Take Me Home

POETRY

To face oneself might be one of the most excruciating things one can do…

…and still there is no question in my heart.

We are brought up to put ourselves down. To shame ourselves for who we are, for our desires, our longings, our wounds, our needs.

We are brought up in an unnatural society and to start becoming natural again is not always easy. It is scary and painful, uncertain and many people around will not be able to understand.

But I am longing to come home.

I am longing for myself.

For my own being, my own love, my own light.

Osho …. at home in himself …

To help yourself

POETRY

A wave of anguish and fear

A storm of emotions

A flashback

I am here present, yet not really

I am reliving something through my body and I can not make it stop

I try my best to come back, to feel safe again, calm, at home in my bed

But the nightmare continues

I want to wake up

Please Anna wake up

I am safe here

You are not alone

I hear someone talking to me. But I can not listen. It is too late

Help!!

I know someone is there

I know that she is keeping me safe

Yet it feels like I am about to die

I know this is not happening now

I can breathe through this

Let the emotions have their space and then move through

I can let them burn out

I am safe

I am here

I am okay

I am seen

I am loved

Everything is okay

One breath at a time

Slowly slowly coming back

Back to my body

Back to the present moment

A new leaf

POETRY

A butterfly opening its wings to the world
Sharing its beauty and grace
I have been hiding. Been scared of who I am

Finally the path is open for me to start my journey…
…towards nowhere
A journey without a destination
A journey of coming alive and sharing myself with the world around me

I have something to contribute with
I have something to give
It does not matter who wants to receive it
I am willing to keep giving for myself

A portal of change has been opened
With that a big responsibility I take
A loving commitment for myself

This time it is for me
My superpower has once been stolen, misused, abused
I was made powerless and drained of everything I had inside

This time it is for me
I have grown strong again
I have reclaimed my own strength and I now share it with awareness

Through a love story with myself I birth something new
I am open to receive and I welcome the responsibility of caring and nurturing whatever comes to me

Something new

POETRY

Seeing deeper within myself

Uncovering truths deep under the surface

Having an understanding that I am in the right path

There is nowhere else to move

Just be

Live, laugh, see, cry, heal and dare to own up to whatever is uncovered

It is right now the transformation happens

In the little things

Holding myself when I want to run away

Making small changes, by and by the transformation happens

By and by I am finding my essence

Embodying something real

Letting the sadness wash over me

I am ready to try something new

Breathing into pain

POETRY

The pain of transformation is ripping my body apart

Everything I thought was me is falling away

I can rest in the center of the storm

Knowing an opening is happening

Neither falling apart nor fighting it

Simply staying present and feeling it

Feeling everything I could not feel as a child

Holding my little girl in my arms and feeling it with her

It all becomes clear

I can see the record that has been playing before my eyes

Falling in the unknown

Everything is spinning

I am still present still here still feeling it

What if I can actually be free?

What would happen?

What would I do?

I can give my little girl everything she ever wanted

I am not alone because I have me

I will never leave my side

It is okay my love

You are going to be okay

You will se

Opening my eyes

POETRY

A glimpse of the unknown

The fragrance of change is all around

Taking a deep breath and letting go of holding

In vulnerability I welcome it in

There is a new aliveness

A stagnant lake flowing into a river

Surrendering

Allowing

Embracing

Trusting

A shy smile on my face and a warmth spreads through out my body

I am coming home

Step by step

Shedding more layers

Allowing something of the unknown to move me

I am showing up for myself

I am stepping out of isolation of safety of hiding

I am taking courage to look in the mirror

What is it I have been hiding from by keeping myself safe and secure?

What is out there for me to see?

I am welcoming you in

Trembling inside

POETRY

My mind is spinning

Loosing grip of held positions of the past

Like a tornado blasting through my environment and leaving nothing behind

There is a silence and an emptiness

An uncertainty and a fearful mind

Please don’t leave

I am sorry

I didn’t mean to

Showers of shame and regret are washing over me

Like waves they come and go

I am anchored to something deeper within

I have been here before

Something new is on its way and I have outgrown the old

In surrender I wait

Cutting through illusion

POETRY

Taking an uncertain step out from my house

This house has been my savior

This is where my life has happened

Outside this house is the real world

A world where I can get hurt

A world where I can experience love, passion, joy

Out in the real world I feel as if I have no skin

I have seen through my own illusion

As I step outside and close the door it crumbles behind me

It was never real

Here I am

With a clearer lens

I am standing on my own two feet

I am taking responsibility for my own life

You are not alone

POETRY

A loud scream in the silent night

The wolves are howling and I am ready to fight

The only person I am fighting is myself

I don’t want to fight anymore

I can’t fight anymore

On the other side of defeat is an opening

On the other side is more truth, love, peace and clarity

This is the path, to give up again and again

You are not alone

Open your eyes and you will see

Open your heart and you will feel

You do not need to do this alone

All you need to do is ask for help

A new reality

POETRY

To experience once reality evaporate

Left in a space where words have no meaning

An emptiness that is so full yet there is nothing to grab onto

A peculiar feeling of complete freedom and openness yet there is nothing that can be done, nowhere to move

If all is here in this very moment then how can you move somewhere else?