Frozen spring

POETRY

Everything becomes so cold all of a sudden

I do not know where to go

I cannot move I cannot talk

It is like everything has frozen to ice

A storm is inside

A storm that cannot be released

A storm that could not be released

But now what?

The storm is over and it is a sunny day in the end of May but I am still cold

How do you move on after something like this?

How do you survive?

Please Take Me Home

POETRY

To face oneself might be one of the most excruciating things one can do…

…and still there is no question in my heart.

We are brought up to put ourselves down. To shame ourselves for who we are, for our desires, our longings, our wounds, our needs.

We are brought up in an unnatural society and to start becoming natural again is not always easy. It is scary and painful, uncertain and many people around will not be able to understand.

But I am longing to come home.

I am longing for myself.

For my own being, my own love, my own light.

Osho …. at home in himself …

Something new

POETRY

Seeing deeper within myself

Uncovering truths deep under the surface

Having an understanding that I am in the right path

There is nowhere else to move

Just be

Live, laugh, see, cry, heal and dare to own up to whatever is uncovered

It is right now the transformation happens

In the little things

Holding myself when I want to run away

Making small changes, by and by the transformation happens

By and by I am finding my essence

Embodying something real

Letting the sadness wash over me

I am ready to try something new

Breathing into pain

POETRY

The pain of transformation is ripping my body apart

Everything I thought was me is falling away

I can rest in the center of the storm

Knowing an opening is happening

Neither falling apart nor fighting it

Simply staying present and feeling it

Feeling everything I could not feel as a child

Holding my little girl in my arms and feeling it with her

It all becomes clear

I can see the record that has been playing before my eyes

Falling in the unknown

Everything is spinning

I am still present still here still feeling it

What if I can actually be free?

What would happen?

What would I do?

I can give my little girl everything she ever wanted

I am not alone because I have me

I will never leave my side

It is okay my love

You are going to be okay

You will se

Opening my eyes

POETRY

A glimpse of the unknown

The fragrance of change is all around

Taking a deep breath and letting go of holding

In vulnerability I welcome it in

There is a new aliveness

A stagnant lake flowing into a river

Surrendering

Allowing

Embracing

Trusting

A shy smile on my face and a warmth spreads through out my body

I am coming home

Step by step

Shedding more layers

Allowing something of the unknown to move me

I am showing up for myself

I am stepping out of isolation of safety of hiding

I am taking courage to look in the mirror

What is it I have been hiding from by keeping myself safe and secure?

What is out there for me to see?

I am welcoming you in

Trembling inside

POETRY

My mind is spinning

Loosing grip of held positions of the past

Like a tornado blasting through my environment and leaving nothing behind

There is a silence and an emptiness

An uncertainty and a fearful mind

Please don’t leave

I am sorry

I didn’t mean to

Showers of shame and regret are washing over me

Like waves they come and go

I am anchored to something deeper within

I have been here before

Something new is on its way and I have outgrown the old

In surrender I wait

Letting go of myself

POETRY

Shedding layer after layer

Entering into vulnerability

Again and again feeling like I am letting go of myself

My identity

Like nothing will be left

Yet here I am

More soft, more spacious, more sensitive

Without armor

With a capability to act

With a loving awareness I am sinking deeper and deeper within myself

Seeing the one who says “I” does not exist

Experimenting and experiencing

Existing only in the present moment

Walking hand in hand with fear

POETRY

Trusting in the unknowable

Trusting in the untouchable

Trusting in myself

Allowing myself to flow with what feels good in the moment

My calculating mind is loosing its grip

Breathing through fears and worst case scenarios

I can see that it doesn’t kill me

I am still here still breathing

I am learning to trust in my own ability to respond

Merging with the whole and seeing the bigger picture

The more alive I become the more I am letting go of knowing, calculating and being in control of what happens next

Surrendering into the flow of life and allowing myself to be surprised

Taking fear in my hand and gently waking side by side

Understanding it is not trying to hurt me

But also that it is my freedom and choice to open my eyes and jump anyway

I am free falling

It is terrifying and thrilling

I wouldn’t have it any other way