Gratitude

Writing

Something beautiful and terrifying is happening. I am starting to move into my body. To feel it.

It humbles me. I feel so deeply that I am part of nature.

My body moves in cycles, with the moon, with the seasons, with the coming and going of night and day. It moves me. It feels like an art to allow it, to start flowing in harmony with it.

I am just dipping my toe in the water. I have learned to be patient and allow. Not to rush and force my own unfolding.

But there is a burning desire deep in my belly to come home. To surrender and become one with the grass and the wind and the oceans. To dissolve and be no more.

Just a dance, a laugh, an embrace. Limitless and free.

Patiently waiting for surrender

POETRY

A hopeless exhaustion of…
…of making the same mistakes again and again and again

This is not something I can power through
This is something I need to surrender to

How am I supposed to “do” surrender?
I can’t.

I need to have the willingness to understand
the wisdom of not repeating the same mistakes
and the patience to put myself back together everytime I’m neither willing nor wise

You are not alone

POETRY

A loud scream in the silent night

The wolves are howling and I am ready to fight

The only person I am fighting is myself

I don’t want to fight anymore

I can’t fight anymore

On the other side of defeat is an opening

On the other side is more truth, love, peace and clarity

This is the path, to give up again and again

You are not alone

Open your eyes and you will see

Open your heart and you will feel

You do not need to do this alone

All you need to do is ask for help

Letting go of myself

POETRY

Shedding layer after layer

Entering into vulnerability

Again and again feeling like I am letting go of myself

My identity

Like nothing will be left

Yet here I am

More soft, more spacious, more sensitive

Without armor

With a capability to act

With a loving awareness I am sinking deeper and deeper within myself

Seeing the one who says “I” does not exist

Experimenting and experiencing

Existing only in the present moment

Space

POETRY

A blank space

Blown open

Trembling as there is no way back

No way to move forward

Just to be present and allow

Allow the process to work in me

Allow my body to rest

Allow my mind to grasp for information and lovingly seeing it is okay to not know

I am here

I am dissolving

Seeing I am just a space

Love is all there is and I cannot disconnect and hide anymore

I am open to seeing more

I am open to this journey

Walking hand in hand with fear

POETRY

Trusting in the unknowable

Trusting in the untouchable

Trusting in myself

Allowing myself to flow with what feels good in the moment

My calculating mind is loosing its grip

Breathing through fears and worst case scenarios

I can see that it doesn’t kill me

I am still here still breathing

I am learning to trust in my own ability to respond

Merging with the whole and seeing the bigger picture

The more alive I become the more I am letting go of knowing, calculating and being in control of what happens next

Surrendering into the flow of life and allowing myself to be surprised

Taking fear in my hand and gently waking side by side

Understanding it is not trying to hurt me

But also that it is my freedom and choice to open my eyes and jump anyway

I am free falling

It is terrifying and thrilling

I wouldn’t have it any other way

In deep gratitude

ART, ME, POETRY

What if you could be loved exactly like you are?

What if life was just waiting to give you more than you could ever imagine?

What if I told you I know it is true because it is happening to me….

To be allowed to be exactly like I am has set me free.

To realize that I am the only one who can give me permission to do so.

To see that I am held by the divine and its unconditional love, within and around me.

Having the freedom to do whatsoever I feel. To eat what I like, feel what I feel, express what I feel.

My body is becoming soft as my worries and complaints dissolve.

I am left with a deep sense of gratitude.

For myself. For the universe. For life.

A sense of completion as we are all one.

One creative energy, one living organism dancing together in perfect harmony.

Welcoming Osho as my master

ME, OSHO, POETRY

I have welcomed you as my master
In complete surrender I bow down and touch your feet
I am letting go, I am emptying myself
Coming home
Shedding layers

A movement of energy is happening
A whirling wind around me
Coming back to stillness and there is nothing left

Where am I and what is happening?
Surrendering once more

I love you and I will now move you
You are doing well keep going

A cosmic joke
A laugh and I come back

A sense of love in my heart an openness and a new vulnerability
Held by the energy field around me

My sensitivity is welcomed here
There is no need to suppress or deny it any longer
The time has come for me to start shining my light
To stop hiding in the shadows

To walk out in my aloneness like a mirror
Creating space for others to follow
Letting my light overflow

Guided and held by the universe
Everything I will need will be provided
There is nothing for me to do
No need to worry
Just be
Just unfold

Present in each moment
Moving spontaneously
Freely
Bravely

I encourage you to love to accept to flower
You are coming home my love
Welcome home